November 15, 2015

I've never been much of a Christmas person.

Hell, I'd even stretch as far to say I hate christmas *GASP* I know. But maybe it's the high off of finishing reading Zoe Suggs' Girl Online (based around the christmas holidays), the warmth from the delicious pumpkin soup I just scarfed down, the glow of my $35 Ikea Christmas tree, complete with build it yourself christmas lights, or possibly Arthur Christmas being on repeat on my tv whenever Braydons' not around to ruin my fun. But Christmas might actually be growing on me this year. True my Christmas cheer is about a cheerful as an angry goose, but I am somewhat looking forward to the holidays.

If I'm going to be completely honest I'm kind of a grouch and I hate all holidays. Not in that super annoyed hating everything, but secretly loving every moment of it kind of way. But in the this is a waste of my time, I can't be bothered and dear gosh why do I have to being around people who claim to be family and claim to love me even though this is the first time we've spoken since the last time they confessed their drunken love at the last family function kind of way. But Holidays for great they say, holidays bring family together they say. Holidays also make you terribly cynical and terribly frustrated and annoyed.

So what is different this year? I think it's the constant fear that clouded over last year. From last May until January of this year everything felt like it was happening in a fog. Nothing truly mattered. Looking back now I don't think I truly accepted the circumstances that were happening in my life. Nor did I ever open up to anyone about how it was affecting me. Soon as the clock struck 12:00 am new year's' day that fog lifted. I no longer felt like I was million miles from everyone else. I finally felt like I could move on with my life. True, that feeling coincided with finally quitting the job I hated. For the first time in recent memory I am truly excited about whatever the future has for me. And so far it's taken me in some pretty interesting places. And for that I'm thankful.

So this Christmas season, I'll give it a shot. I'll try not to cringe away from the Christmas cheer, and the carols. I'll put on an ugly sweater. I'll join in on the merriment, I'll exchange cookies with friends. I'll accept trills of love from drunken relatives who think I'm my sister. And I won't complain about it. Well, much.

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